Toddlers. They can send you to the limits of frustration, then wrap you around their fingers with one runny-nosed smile. Here are just a few reasons why the toddler years are a unique time in the life of a child and a parent.
1. The Rituals
Nolan Hinz, 21 months old, loves his bedtime routine. It starts with a shower, then a massage, then pajamas and a walk in the yard with Daddy to say "goodnight" to the moon, stars and trees. Finally, a story, a prayer and his special time with Mommy, where he nurses and drifts off to sleep. Nolan's bedtime routine transforms this active toddler into a calm, sleepy baby. "It's a nice way to end his very busy day," says his mother, Cynthia Hinz, of Northern California.
Toddlers cherish their special routines and rituals. This isn't just a fondness, however, but a very real need. "The world can be overwhelming for toddlers," says Claire Lerner, co-author of Bringing Up Baby: Three Steps to Making Good Decisions in Your Child's First Years (Zero to Three, 2005) and director of parent education at the Web site ZERO TO THREE."They're receiving so much input from their environment, and it can be hard for them to process."
According to Lerner, predictable events like bedtime routines or goodbye rituals allow toddlers to prepare for transitions. They also help to give toddlers a sense of control. "The more routines, the better," says Lerner.
For 2-year-old Ryley Grace Purvis, bedtime means saying "goodnight" to a fish named Elmo. "Every night at bedtime she will say 'Night-night, Melmo,' and will run to me to pick her up," says Jennifer Purvis of West Monroe, La. Purvis then lifts her daughter up to wave goodnight and blow kisses to Elmo, a betta fish who lives in a bowl on her dresser. "The other night, we forgot about him and I had already tucked her in. As I was leaving the room I said, 'Night-night Ryley Grace.' She sat up really quick in the bed, waved at the dresser and said, 'Night-night Melmo!'"
2. The Tantrums
Sondre Swan didn't know what she'd done, but whatever it was, her 22-month-old was letting her know he didn't like it. "Joshua dropped to the floor and began to kick and scream," says Swan of Monroe, La. "My solution was to simply ignore this and walk to another area of the house. When Joshua realized he was being ignored, he got up, came over to where I was, carefully laid his body down on the floor and started his tantrum all over again!" Swan started laughing and even called her mother to share the story. While she was laughing on the phone, Joshua got tickled, too, and the tantrum ended on a happy note.
Tantrums aren't always amusing, but they are a quintessential toddler behavior. Where do these explosions of baby rage come from anyway?
"Toddlers can't manage stress like we can," says Lerner. She notes that tantrums frequently occur when toddlers are confronted by change that they aren't ready for.
In addition, toddlers understand much more than they are able to communicate. "They are very wise beings, but they don't have the ability to execute all the ideas they have," says Lerner. "They often want to do things they can't do yet, so they are frustrated a lot." If your toddler wants her cereal in the red bowl but you pour it into the blue bowl instead, your child may not have the words to explain what she really wanted and a tantrum ensues.
Ronni Davis is the mom of a 2-1/2-year-old son and the veteran of many dramatic tantrums. "As a parent, these tantrums have taught me patience," says Davis of Columbus, Ohio. "I realize they are the result of Aidan not being able to express himself adequately, so I try to get out of him what he needs." Tantrums have also taught Davis flexibility, as there are times when plans have to be changed or completely scrapped when toddlers won't cooperate. But mainly, says Davis, "They have taught me that Aidan is a little person. Not a doll or a toy, but a person with opinions, wants, needs. I make it a point to treat him as if he is important and that he matters. He just wants to be heard. So I listen."
3. The Zest for Life
Toddlers' boundless energy, enthusiasm and creativity can be a mixed blessing at times.
"When my son Brendan was about 18 months old, he had a small wooden truck that he loved playing with," says Hinz. "One day he decided he wanted to get in the truck. He became more and more frustrated with each attempt to put his foot inside the 2-inch cab." It took over an hour before Brendan gave up. "We couldn't reason with him [at all], and the scene elevated to wails until he fell asleep next to his beloved truck, of course."
But despite the frustration, this energy is part of what makes toddlers so much fun. "You can literally watch toddlers learning, watch how their wheels are turning all the time, how they are driven to figure out how the world works," says Lerner. "Toddlers are so engaged, so passionate, so eager to learn and so resourceful."
Lianne Takemori's daughter Ivy, 2, has a toddler's knack for making the best of an unexpected situation. "She leaned over and gave me a big kiss on the cheek, then backed up, tilted her head in what I thought was a tender gesture, swooped back in and licked the entire side of my face," says Takemori, of Jackson, Miss. "I yelled 'Ivy, what are you doing? We do not lick people!' She hung her head and started to whimper, 'But Mommy! I had to get the googies off your face!' She had had a runny nose and had slimed me as she kissed me!"
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What's Ahead: Major Milestones from 12 to 36 Months
Here's a taste of what you can look forward to as your toddler grows! Keep in mind that all toddlers develop at their own pace, and these milestones are only intended to give a general idea of what to expect. However, if you have concerns about your toddler's development, do consult your pediatrician.
By 14 months, your child may be:
- Walking alone (if an accomplished walker, may be learning to run).
- Able to stack two blocks.
- Speaking one to six words (other than "mama" and "dada").
- Able to respond to single-step verbal commands.
By 16 months, your child may be:
- Able to drink from a cup.
- Scribbling.
- Pointing to things she wants or needs.
- Imitating activities, especially those of adults or older children.
- Beginning to understand limits.
By 18 months, your child may be:
- Climbing.
- Able to feed himself with a spoon or fork.
- Able to identify his nose, eyes and mouth.
- Speaking at least 15 words (other than "mama" and "dada").
- Beginning to join words into short sentences.
By 20 months, your child may be:
- Able to walk up steps.
- Referring to herself by name.
- Showing an interest in caring for herself.
- Able to remove some clothing.
- Able to point out a picture in a book.
By 24 months, your child may be:
- Speaking around 50 words.
- Able to be understood about half the time when speaking.
- Able to kick and throw a ball.
- Able to build a tower up to six blocks high.
- Able to put on a piece of clothing.
By 36 months, your child may be:
- Able to dress and undress himself.
- Socializing well with others.
- Using pronouns ("I", "her" "yours").
- Able to pedal a tricycle.
- Ready to begin toilet training.
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